Number 35: Run For A Worthy Cause (And For Yourself)

Nervous - so hot right now.

I almost got washed away on my way to spinning yesterday evening (seriously - it looked like a full blown monsoon out there) but I made it to the gym anyway. Yesterday was the perfect day to avoid the gym and one of the toughest (but greatest) spin instructors I've ever had, but I dragged myself out there anyway. EIGHT PEOPLE showed up amidst the rain. Last week, the instructor had to give away his bike we had so many people trying to get in. EIGHT. So making it there was already an accomplishment, but I started thinking about why I go to class every week.

In the fall of 2010, I went through a break up. The relationship wasn't a long one, but it had been an uber-concentrated one. You know the type, a few weeks of intensity where the two of you literally do everything together and your friends start to wonder where this guy even came from and how long he'd be sticking around. I didn't see the break up coming and it hit me hard. So I hit the treadmill. Harder. I got over the heartbreak and into great shape. I ran my first 5k that fall... then stopped running for awhile. Started again. Hurt my back. Stopped. Moved to Chicago. And I started running again. A lot of change happened really quickly and I went through a lot of emotional ups and downs in those first weeks here. Running helped. Lake Michigan was gorgeous and I looked forward to checking out the city and clearing my head. And then it got hot... so I stopped again.

Last week, over a drink, one of my girlfriends asked me to run The Chicago Spring Half Marathon with her. Maybe I should have said no - she's run three halfs before and I've never run more than seven miles at once. Plus, I'm definitely not in the best shape currently. But maybe it was our dodgeball high (that's another story...) or the beer hit me quickly, but I agreed to do it. And the next day, instead of regretting my decision and bailing, I found myself excited. And ready to train. Why?

Because the idea of completing a test of will and endurance reminds me what I'm out here to do. Sometimes I have bad days and I wonder if I'll ever make money on stage. Heck, at this point I'm wondering if someone is ever going to put me ON STAGE. I've yet to be cast in full length show here and while I know it takes time, I'm anxious. So anxious for something to happen. Anything to happen. So in the meantime, I will remind myself that this career is a marathon, not a sprint. I'm still new here and I need to be patient, as hard as that is. And while I continue to audition and network, I will run. 

For me.

Because spin class will go on whether I trek through the rain or not. But I go for me. Because that hour is mine and mine alone. And sometimes when my lungs are staging a coup d'etat, that aerobic pain has the ability to banish all of the bad thoughts from the day and suddenly the only thing on my mind is -- when the hell is this song going to be over?! And it's nice to have an hour where everything truly melts away.

I never thought that I would EVER run a half marathon. EVER. But on May 19, three of my girlfriends and I will run 13.1 miles for the Northwestern Brain Tumor Institute. I'd like to say that we chose the half because of the charity, but we didn't. We just wanted to run. So for now I'll just say that I'm glad we're running for a worthy cause, but I'm especially glad I'm running for me.

I won't steal my bestie's blog idea (and you better believe I'm a little bit running for her as well), but you'll be able to follow my progress on my blog as I continue. Because right now, All I Wanna Do is finish the 13.1 miles. And (since technology is crazy) on the day of the race, you'll be able to see where I am on the course via Twitter. How cool (read: terrifying) is that?! We don't officially start training until March, but I've got a few goals of my own to hit before then. For now, I'll probably just update you on the new gear I buy. Like these cool kicks.

Cat not included.

Happy trails!
E

  

Number 63: Walk a mile in someone else's shoes

 Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.
-- Freida Norris

I know what it's like to be a Harvard Student.
And a teenaged heroin addict.
And an apple.

Kind of.

From an early age, I liked to play pretend. Sometimes, I miss the early ages. Believing was easier back then. But playing has always been easy for me. As a nanny, my favorite part of the day was story hour. (Well, that and Lego Zoo building time. I'm a beast at making habitats. Just ask my four year old co-architect.) Actors, if you've never tried reading aloud to a group of small children, I highly recommend it. You'll never understand the effect you're having on an audience better than when you're trying to hold the attention of a group of toddlers. There is no questioning when they're bored with your tactics -- they just get up and walk away. (And sometimes you have to chase after them through a crowded Barnes and Noble. But that's a whole other set of issues.)

I'm about to hit the four month mark in Chicago, and in two weeks, I will make my Chicago stage debut. Which makes me realize, it has been a long time since I've taken a walk in someone else's shoes. (Almost two years, really.) And I miss it. One of the best things I did since moving here is sign up for an improv class at Second City. It was terrifying at first, but the more I do it, the more fun I have, and the more I think that I'm actually kind of good at it.

Which brings me to my next order of business. In having a conversation about this crazy career path I'm walking, a good friend asked me, "Do you want to be the best?" I didn't know how to answer. And the question has been frustrating me all week. Because I don't know what that means. That's a heavy question. Everything about this business scares the shit out of me. I've gotten used to making sacrifices for it - whether it be missing events with friends, or family, or sacrificing a relationship for a rehearsal. And sometimes, that's frustrating. But when all is said and done, I've always tried to make the best decision for me at a given time. And sometimes you have to walk a mile or two before you figure out what the best decision actually is.

I know I want a happy future. I honestly don't know if I want a family, but I want the option. And I think it can be hard to have a family when you have such uncertain hours and uncertain paychecks. Do you want to be the best? I don't know what "the best" means. There's no finite barometer. Does the best mean being the highest paid actor out there? Or does it mean you're the most decorated? As an actor, you can't measure yourself by being the first to the finish line, because there is no finish line. There's just another race, and one more hurdle. In acting, there is no come from behind stroke that wins you the gold medal.

Do you want to be the best? I want to be happy. And as much as I loved my job this summer, it didn't make me happy like being on stage does. Do I want to be the best? That's not how I think about it. Because I have to do this. I want to win the part -- I always want to win the part. Does that count? I want to keep training, does that give me a few points? At 22 years old, I started my own company because no other company was letting me have the kind of fun I wanted to be having on stage. Where does that leave me?

At the end of the day, I'm not sure I care about being "the best." What I care about it, is working  hard. And showing respect for those in the theatre scene with me. And staying true to myself. In the words of Terry from Kaufman and Ferber's Stage Door, "I can't just walk up and down my room and be an actress. They have to let me." I love that quote, but that's not my mantra. The harder you work, the further you'll get. The longer you run, the stronger you'll be. Mathematically, I'll probably never win a Tony. But, that's okay. If your only goal is to win a shiny paperweight, what's the point in doing this?

Suddenly, after months of staying behind the scenes, I'm about to hit the stage again. And the audition circuit. And I'm probably going to get discouraged a few times. But it's what I came here to do. And I'm sure as hell going to do the best work I can do. I'm going to work myself as hard as I can. And I'm going to make sure I surround myself with enough people and activities that make me happy. Because at the end of the day, no matter how miles I walked in my character's shoes. I'm still Erika. And my size 6 Converse are the ones that matter.

Because I'm not a Harvard Student:

Or a teenaged heroin addict:

 

Or an apple: 

I'm just me. Any these babies have carried me several miles already. And I have a feeling, we've got a few more to go. I don't care if we're the first to cross the finish line, as long as we don't give up on the way there.

Number 26: Go Skydiving, Part 1

Greetings Fellow Adventurers!!

Thanks for the feedback that I've been getting about starting this blog. I know that a lot of you are saying "how the f*&$ is she going to do some of this stuff?" Well, I'm trying to do AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE and maybe molding a few to my lifestyle. Plus, I've already accomplished some of them, so there's that. But some of the items, I really am dead set on accomplishing. And here goes my baby steps towards one that SCARES ME WORSE THAN MOST THINGS IN MY LIFE (read: Canadian geese, things with tentacles dragging me under water, life without chocolate, etc.) This item is, drumroll please...

SKYDIVING.

Photo Courtesy of http://www.skyjump.com/ - That's NOT me by the way. :)

So, as a firm believer in fate, when Groupon announced a skydiving deal this morning in my inbox, I said to myself, "Self, this is the perfect opportunity to capitalize on this deal. You should do it." So I bought it. Today was the first step in my skydiving adventure. I was thinking though, those of you who are reading my blog, are you reading because you like hearing about my adventures or because a part of you wants to adventure as well? Is this calling to you too? JOIN ME. The Groupon link is listed below. Buy it. I dare you.

http://www.groupon.com/r/uu5162471